The Prestigious Titles of a Mom

I'm totally stealing this from my friend Amber's blog...I think it is very fitting!

Toilet Flusher in Chief- The only person capable of flushing toilets. This does require and extraordanite amount of skill and precise pressure applied. I’ve been practicing for many years to know the exact moment that toilets need to be flushed. My family knowing this allows me to undertake this job rather then try to learn themselves.

She Who Must Change the TP- Only one person in the house is allowed to do this chore. Preferably it’s the same person who is the Toilet Flusher in Chief since the skill set is much the same. Must also know the proper placement of the roll (always over never under).

The Nagger General- Decide what needs to be done when by whom (usually based on things they need to know how to do in order to grow up to be a responsible adult and functioning member of society). Remind them repeatedly until they do what is expected of them. Make them go back and do things again until they’re done to the General’s specifications. If this job isn’t done then nothing in the house will be done. It’s harder than it looks. Things that you need to remember to nag about: chores, homework, piano practicing, kindness to siblings, friends and non-friends even. Skills that are needed: expert negotiator, previous experience as a ‘fun sucker’ is a bonus.

Fun Sucker- See anyone having fun. Stop the fun immediately at all costs. Give anyone having fun a chore to do. Punish them further if it’s possible to do so.

The Bossiest Boss of the Universe- Sort of like the Nagger General but takes over after the Nagger General has asked 5 million times. Much meaner than The Nagger General.

Universal Bladder- Decide when everyone around you needs to pee. Tell them that. Make them run to the potty. Be right 98% of the time.

Secretary/Receptionist- Make phone calls, schedule appointments, answer phone calls, take messages keep track of all paperwork that comes home in folders, sign and send paperwork back to appropriate places…

Time Keeper- remind people where they need to go and when. Also arrange rides to and from those places when needed. Don’t expect any tips. Do expect whining and trashing of your vehicle.

Master Volume Control-Repeat these phrases with me- “your music is too loud turn it down” “you need to talk louder if you want me to hear you” “No screaming in the house!”

Referee- Must know how to use penalty cards, call a flag on the play and how to perform a foul shot. It’s not suggested that you say, ‘how about if I hit you every time you hit your sister?’ very often. May result in a time out for the referee.

Sanitary Officer- Having a superior sense of smell is a must. Sniff out stinky kids, dirty clothing, teeth that need to be brushed, hands that weren’t washed and shoes that need some Lysol.