I can't tell you how many times I've started this post and couldn't finish it. I couldn't really tell you why...I don't know if it was just too raw for me, or if I felt like some things are just too sacred to write down. Maybe it's because a surge of emotion would overtake me every time.
Whatever it was, I'm ready.
My sweet sister, Erin, found out she was pregnant at 19. She was not married and no where near ready to raise a child so she made the heart wrenching decision to place her baby for adoption.
When the reality hit me that someone else would be raising my niece...that this sweet baby girl would be wearing little flowers in her hair that someone else made for her...that someone else would be there to hold her and comfort her when life didn't go her way, that a completely different family would be there for all her milestones, triumphs and heartbreaks, I could hardly stand it. I'd have to push the thoughts away or I would get so upset I couldn't focus on anything else. I tried to figure out if it would be possible for me to raise her, or if not me, a very close friend so I could still be closely involved in her life. I was being selfish and, unlike my sister, was not taking into consideration what would be best for the baby.
I had a very difficult time with this for quite awhile...but oh how things can change! My sister called me one evening to tell me she thought she had decided on a family. I was skeptical and nervous...until I saw their profile. As soon as I laid eyes on Mat and Michelle a wave of relief swept over me and I knew without a doubt that they would be the parents for Erin's baby. Obviously I didn't need any sort of revelation for my sister that they were to be her baby's parents, but I am so thankful that my Father in Heaven found me important enough to affirm to me that little Madison would be placed in the arms of loving, righteous family. I no longer felt like someone else would be her parents, but rather that they had been her parents all along and just needed my sister to carry her.
Mat & Michelle at placement
I can't tell you how many times I read their blog and looked at their adoption profile just to be sure, and every time it just made me feel better and better about the choice Erin had made. Mat and Michelle clearly had an amazing extended family that would also get a chance to love little Madison and she would grow up never wondering if she were loved and adored. She'll have plenty of cousins, aunts and uncles to help bring her up in truth and righteousness...I really do believe it does take a village to raise a child.
Erin & Madison in the hospital the day before placement
Madison with the bear Erin made for her
She was so tiny!
One more kiss
This was an amazing moment and I will never forget the sweet spirit that was there.
I cannot even begin to imagine what is going through their minds right now.
Madison with her proud parents
Then
and now...
